You thought you’d never experience those familiar feelings again. Butterflies in the tummy. Giddy school girl laugh. The awkward blush every time he stares at you.
Love, the second time around hits differently. This time you’re emotionally equipped to spot the red flags. There’s no immaturity and pretenses. You’ve both put your cards on the table and been upfront with each other from the start.
But, there’s this nagging sensation at the back of your head. Your new partner likes a drink now and again. He says it makes him more social.
At first, it didn’t bother you. Now, you’re noticing their alcohol consumption has become more frequent. He opens a bottle of wine in the afternoon. By dinnertime, he’s on his second bottle.
Are you overreacting? Is it cause for concern? How can alcohol affect relationships?
In this article from Nation of Moms, we’ll explore when day drinking becomes an issue in a relationship and the healthy ways that you can address this issue.
Spotting the Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder
Alcohol misuse can have a profound negative impact on relationships. The signs may be subtle at first. If your partner is good at masking their unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you could spot them too late.
However, you should start to question their motives if:
- They drink to relieve stress
- They don’t appear drunk
- They get irritable when not drinking
- Their mood changes
When Excessive Drinking Becomes More Than a Social Lubricant
There’s also the aspect of alcohol being widely accepted as a social drink. Psychology Today says that by spending more time together, it’s only natural you’ll share the same experiences such as drinking habits.
The University of Michigan recently published a study on the “drinking partnership” theory. Their researchers found that couples who drink together and latch onto each others’ drinking patterns tend to live longer. These couples also had more positive marriage outcomes.
Study researcher Kira Birditt did, however, add that drinking in its broader term may be good for marriage but not good for health. This does not apply to alcohol abuse or alcohol addiction, however. Excessive drinking, in particular, can fundamentally damage trust in relationships, leading to broken promises and unpredictable behavior.
When Things Become Physical
The challenges alcohol abuse and heavy drinking pose to relationships are not only psychological. Drinking behavior can snowball into physical confrontations.
Citing figures from the U.S. Department of Justice, Very Well Mind says that intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of violent crimes.
The publication states that substance abuse in the form of alcohol is often a contributing factor as it impairs judgment and increases aggression. Stats further show that two-thirds of domestic violence victims reported that the perpetrator had been drinking.
Addressing the Problem
The sober truth is that the majority of U.S. adults drink alcohol.
According to a recent Gallup survey, about one in five adults say they drink more than they think they should. Men (21%) are more likely than women (16%) to say they overindulge. Alcohol use disorder (AUD) affects 28.9 million people in the U.S.
Getting effective treatment for a drinking problem is not a one-size-fits-all approach. The first thing you can do is educate yourself on alcohol dependence and treat your partner with understanding and empathy.
Seeking professional addiction treatment for an alcohol dependency can provide the necessary support and evidence-based methods for recovery.
Holding a Constructive Dialogue Around Drinking Habits and Support Groups
The National Institute of Health suggests calmly talking to them. Only do so when they are sober. Express your concerns and try to avoid stigma or what are seen as negative labels such as “alcoholic” and “abuse”. Conclude the conversation by recommending they see a drug and alcohol abuse counselor.
They might not be aware of the problem until you’ve brought it to their attention. Propose activities that do not include alcohol.
This could mean you stay away from social settings. Encourage them to get help, whether in AA meetings, joining group therapy sessions, or participating in support groups like Al-Anon.
Some addiction recovery services have the option of individualized inpatient and outpatient rehab services, advises Purpose Healing Center, a leading Arizona rehab with Joint Commission accredited treatment programs in Phoenix and Scottsdale.
Detach with Love
Slate advice columnist A.J. Daulerio found himself having to answer a difficult question. A reader asked how to discuss their partner’s drinking problem with them. He says it’s not cut and dry.
Partners often view your wanting to help as a form of control, says Daulerio. To some extent, they are correct because the need to control is a desperate attempt to hold onto them.
It isn’t your job to fix your partner. You can support them while they’re fighting their demons. But you also need to take care of yourself. The only way of doing this is to detach from them with love to maintain a healthy relationship.
TikToker @abefroman went viral earlier this year for sharing the same concept. She says she applies the “let them” theory to dating. It involves emotional detachment from your love interest, calling it “hard but necessary.”
Addressing the Problem with Compassion and Professional Help
Author Mel Robbins first coined the term “let them practice” on her popular podcast in 2023, reports Newsweek. Essentially, the idea is to detach yourself from other people’s actions to relinquish any emotion over how they choose to behave.
You can’t choose who you fall in love with. If you see those signs and are concerned, address the problem and consult a professional. They’ll discuss the best way forward for you and your partner, including strategies to support your mental health.
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