When you said “I do,” you thought it would be forever. But people and circumstances change, and now you’re dealing with a divorce.
Like everything else, this, too, shall pass. No matter how much pain you’re in, you will get to the other side, and this will be a growing experience.
It sounds like platitudes, but it’s a statistically-based fact. In Australia alone, divorces are on the rise due to things like unemployment, pandemic stress, and financial strain. The numbers show that out of 2.3 marriages, 1 will end up in divorce.
What does this mean for you?
First of all, even if it feels like it, you are not alone. Look around at two other strangers on the street, and at least one of them will be dealing with a pending divorce or already divorced.
It also means that survivors of divorce have tips to share of things that helped them get through their dark days. Here are 5 of the most popular and helpful suggestions that may work for you, too.
1. Put You First
You may want to lay in bed and sleep or binge TV shows and ice cream, but don’t let yourself. Ultimately, this will have a compound effect of making you feel worse instead of better.
Go ahead and give yourself a day or two to process your emotions and shut yourself away from the world. That’s normal. Beyond that, put you and your health first.
Get out of bed and off the couch and go do something you’ve always wanted to do. Get a pedicure or a massage. Call your best friend and go to lunch, or go by yourself!
The sooner you get used to seeing what life is like as a single person again, the quicker you’ll remember that it can be so much fun!
2. Just Say Yes to Invites
Your family and friends are going to offer lots of well-meaning invitations to distract you. Your kneejerk reaction may to be say no and mope, but what good will that do you? Say yes to every invitation that isn’t dangerous or too far outside your comfort zone (like, maybe, bungee jumping or dating too soon).
Let them feel better that they’re getting you out of the house. You may be miserable at first. That’s okay, too. As you immerse yourself in socialization, you’ll start enjoying it more over time.
3. Find Someone to Talk To
Hopefully, you have a support system ready to lend an ear and a hug. The problem is that those who truly care about you are going to want to tell you what to do and how to fix yourself.
To a point, this is fine. However, they’re probably not professional counselors, and their advice is biased by their love for you. If you can find someone objective to talk to who can offer you expert help with no strings attached, do it. A church or mental health counselor can be a wealth of knowledge.
If you don’t know who to turn you, check with your attorney. They have referrals from people who have been in your shoes. Family lawyers Sydney knows the area’s counseling resources better than most other people there.
4. Focus on Forgiveness
Blame is everywhere in a divorce. Unfortunately, the blame game doesn’t actually get anyone anywhere.
What does help you grow is to work on forgiving yourself, your ex, and anyone else involved. It’s not an easy journey, but then again, nothing worth doing ever is. This process is where having a professional to guide you is invaluable.
5. Remember Who You Are
At some point in your past, you weren’t a married person attached to another individual. You had hopes, dreams, and hobbies. What were they?
Get back to who you are. Do things for you, not for your children or your family or your friends. You are a perfectly capable, independent person on your own.
You are a survivor, not a victim.
Go live your new life with all the lessons you’ve learned, and rock it.