A divorce is, naturally, not a good time for anyone involved. Emotions can run high and, sometimes, you can’t stop how your partner will handle affairs on their end and, if they seem antagonistic to you, you might feel the urge to fight back. However, there are steps you can take to keep things as calm as possible and to make the end of a marriage as painless as possible. Here are a few tips on how to do that.

Do not try to use the kids as weapons

There is no overstating how important it is to be careful with you treat the kids during a divorce. Unfortunately, these situations can bring out the worst in people and lead them to have kids act as messengers, negotiation tools, or simply be used to spite other parents. In most cases, you are going to be co-parenting after the divorce, statistically. This means that your children will have to live with both of you, in one form or another, for a long time. Before you let your worse urges (which we all have) take over, consider what kind of future relationship you’re laying out for your kids.

Be careful who you take advice from

Believe it or not, even if someone has been through a divorce, that does not make them an expert on the subject. They can have advice that sounds reasonable and work excellently as emotional support, but they are not your legal counsel. If it’s legal advice you need, then it’s a firm like Schoenberg Family Law Group you should be asking. There are a lot of ways that people can misinterpret the law, or can remember things from laws in other states, or simply be flat out misinformed and wrong.

Spill your heart but not in court

When it comes to the case, it’s important to be using your head, not relying on your emotions to make an argument. As wronged as you may feel, it doesn’t make a lick of difference to the law unless your lawyer says otherwise. The more you let your emotions rule, the longer a case is likely to be and the more you’re likely to spend in legal fees. Divorce counseling, as shown at Therapy Tribe, can help you process the emotional side of things so you can keep it out of the legal case.

Don’t try any extrajudicial punishment

You might think that some forms of revenge, such as cutting off the utilities or canceling their credit cards, are a good way to even the score with a spouse who has wronged you. However, not only can this lead to a back and forth of similar dirty tricks, but it can end up backfiring if the divorce goes to court, and those actions are held against you.

There are no guarantees that any divorce will be smooth, relatively speaking. However, by always endeavoring to prevail with a calmer head, you at least increase your chances of having things go favorably for you.