Early addiction recovery is a fragile time in life for a newly sober person, as well as their family. Loved ones feel a sense of hope when a person goes to treatment, but often they’re apprehensive as well. There’s a chance that a term in drug rehab won’t “stick,” and their loved one will relapse or worse.

For family members, relapse can be incredibly stressful. The stakes were high, and you may feel like you failed to keep your loved one safe and sober. However, addiction isn’t about you. It’s a disease. You’re powerless over your loved one’s actions and addiction. You’re not, however, powerless over what you choose to do next. 

Your well-being matters too. If your loved one has left treatment, there are important things you can do to feel empowered again.

Take Care of Yourself First

Research shows caregiver stress can take a heavy toll on your mental and physical health, and this is especially true for someone who is addicted. 

Consider talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or leaning on trusted friends. Keeping yourself healthy puts you in a stronger place to help your loved one. Recovery is a lifelong process for the addicted person, and you’ll want to have support in the long term as well. People who have gone through the same thing can help you with coping methods. Here are a few places to seek support:

• Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings
  
• SMART Recovery Family & Friends groups
  
• Local support groups at treatment centers
  
• Therapists who specialize in addiction in families
  
• Online forums, apps, or social media support groups

People all over the world experience addiction, and each of them has family or friends who want to help. Getting help for yourself will help you understand the disease, your limitations, and the difference between helping and enabling. 

Avoid Panic or Pressure

It’s tempting to try to lecture, plead, or give ultimatums. But according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), pushing too hard can lead to shame and resistance, making your loved one less likely to seek help later. Try to respond with calm concern instead. It may seem like you’re ignoring the problem, but the intent is to approach it with compassion.

Relapse is a fact of life in the addiction recovery community. Many people try to get sober multiple times before they’re able to achieve long-term sobriety.  

Why Treatment “Doesn’t Work” Sometimes

Sometimes, drug treatment doesn’t work out, or the person with a substance use disorder (SUD) just isn’t ready yet. When a loved one quits drug treatment, it’s natural to feel hurt, scared, or even angry. 

It’s upsetting to realize that your loved one may be returning to the dangerous lifestyle they were trying to leave behind. Your feelings, however, have nothing to do with the fact that your loved one has a disease. While they may care about your emotions, the disease does not; it only wants to continue the cycle of addiction. 

They’re still the same person you love, but the disease may be working overtime. It’s important to realize that failing to get sober isn’t a moral lapse, but rather a symptom of the disease. And you can’t fix the disease, but only encourage its treatment.

Keep the Conversation Open

If your loved one relapses, it’s their responsibility to seek sobriety again, but you can still offer support.

Let them know you care about them, no matter what. Use open-ended questions such as, “How are you feeling about things right now?” or “What do you think might help you today?” This gives them room to talk without feeling judged or cornered. 

Even if they’re not ready to return to treatment, staying connected can keep the door open for future change. Offer to take them to 12-step meetings or therapy, but don’t pester them every day.

Encourage Small Safety Steps

If your loved one won’t return to treatment now, see if they’ll take harm reduction steps or seek support at a 12-step meeting. Most 12-step meetings are open and do not require you to be sober for a certain time before you attend. (Check for “beginner’s meetings” and “open meetings” on the schedules online for people who are newest to recovery.)

The Harm Reduction Coalition recommends practical measures like using clean supplies, not using alone, and keeping naloxone (Narcan) nearby to reverse opioid overdoses. Your loved one should also keep emergency contacts handy, such as the local AA hotline, a recovery coach program, and/or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Relapse Can Be Part of Recovery

It’s painful, but relapse or quitting treatment is often part of the long process of recovery. Addiction is a chronic condition, and many people make multiple attempts before they achieve lasting change. This doesn’t mean they’ll never recover. Try to remain hopeful and patient.

Relapse is a part of many people’s stories. It’s often not the end but another chapter, which can lead to sobriety. But sobriety and recovery cannot be forced, guilted, or coerced. The person to make that decision is always the addicted person. 

Protect Your Boundaries

Being supportive doesn’t mean accepting harmful behavior. It’s okay to set boundaries to protect yourself or others. This might include limiting contact during active use or refusing to give money. Some family members will tell an addicted loved one that they can only visit if they’re sober at the time. Others will refuse money for groceries but allow their loved one to come to their homes to eat dinner. 

Boundaries aren’t punishment, they’re a way to keep everyone safer.

Treatment centers can help plant the seed of recovery, but they can’t force it to grow if the person is not ready. Continue to provide love and show willingness to help your loved one get into treatment again. Remember to put yourself and your needs first; your mental and physical health are both precious. You’ll be much better at coping with whatever life throws at you when you’re in a healthy frame of mind. You can’t help others unless you’re able to help yourself.

About the Author

In Scott Huseby’s previous career, he led one of the most respected litigation support firms in the United States. Yet beyond his professional success, Scott discovered a deeper purpose after experiencing the healing power of recovery firsthand.

That calling led him to Costa Rica, where he became the owner of Costa Rica Recovery in San José – an immersive recovery retreat for individuals seeking freedom from addiction. Since then, Scott has opened other treatment centers and become the owner of Cornerstone Recovery in Santa Ana, California (United States). Now he uses his leadership and lived experience to walk alongside others on their recovery journey, offering the same hope and healing that changed his life.

To learn more about Scott and Costa Rica Recovery, call 1 (866) 804-1793 or visit www.costaricarecovery.com.