The way we communicate has a powerful influence on how people respond to us. Whether in the workplace, at home, or in social interactions, small adjustments in language, tone, and approach can create significant behavior changes. Many misunderstandings and conflicts stem from poor communication, but with a few intentional shifts, interactions can become more productive, cooperative, and positive.

One proven approach to improving communication and influencing behavior is positive behaviour support. This method focuses on using language and strategies that reinforce desirable actions rather than highlighting negative ones. By making simple communication adjustments, you can guide people toward better decisions and more positive behaviors without force or frustration.

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Use Positive Framing Instead of Negative Language

People respond better to what they should do rather than what they shouldn’t do. Negative phrasing can feel restrictive, while positive language encourages cooperation.

  • Instead of saying, “Don’t run in the hallway,” say, “Please walk in the hallway.”
  • Instead of “Stop interrupting,” try “Let’s take turns speaking so everyone gets a chance to share.”
  • Instead of “You never listen to me,” reframe it as “I appreciate it when you take the time to hear my thoughts.”

This shift reduces defensiveness and makes it easier for people to adjust their behavior.

Ask More Questions Instead of Giving Commands

When people feel they have a choice, they’re more likely to engage in positive behavior. Rather than issuing direct orders, asking thoughtful questions can guide them toward better decisions.

  • Instead of “Clean up this mess right now,” try “Where do you think would be the best place to put these things?”
  • Instead of “You need to focus more,” ask “What can we do to make it easier for you to stay on task?”

Questions invite collaboration rather than resistance, making people more open to change.

Use “I” Statements to Reduce Defensiveness

When giving feedback, saying “you always…” or “you never…” often makes people feel attacked. Using “I” statements shifts the focus to your feelings rather than blaming the other person.

  • Instead of “You never listen,” say “I feel unheard when I don’t get a chance to finish my sentence.”
  • Instead of “You’re being rude,” try “I feel uncomfortable when conversations get interrupted.”

This approach encourages discussion rather than argument.

Recognize and Reinforce Small Improvements

Acknowledging positive behavior, even in small ways, motivates people to continue making better choices. Rather than focusing only on mistakes, point out improvements.

  • If someone who usually interrupts pauses before speaking, say “I really appreciate you waiting for your turn. That makes the conversation smoother.”
  • If a team member struggles with deadlines but turns something in early, mention “I noticed you submitted this ahead of time—great work!”

Recognition doesn’t have to be over-the-top. A simple acknowledgment reinforces the desired behavior.

Be Mindful of Tone and Body Language

Words alone aren’t enough—tone and body language play a huge role in communication. A message delivered with a harsh tone or crossed arms can be received as criticism, even if the words themselves are neutral.

  • Keep your tone calm and steady, even in difficult conversations.
  • Maintain open body language—uncrossed arms, eye contact, and nodding show you’re engaged.
  • Mirror positive behaviors to create a sense of connection.

Sometimes, the way you say something is just as important as what you say.

Offer Choices Instead of Ultimatums

People are more likely to follow through with a decision when they feel they have some control over it. Instead of issuing an ultimatum, provide two acceptable options.

  • Instead of “You need to finish this now,” try “Would you like to complete this now or after lunch?”
  • Instead of “Stop arguing and do it,” ask “Would you prefer to talk about this calmly now or take a break and come back to it?”

Giving options empowers people to make responsible choices rather than feeling forced into action.

Set Clear Expectations Upfront

Confusion and frustration often come from unclear expectations. Whether in professional or personal interactions, being specific about what’s expected prevents misunderstandings.

  • Instead of “Be respectful,” clarify “During meetings, let’s make sure we allow each person to finish speaking before responding.”
  • Instead of “Try harder,” define “For this project, I’d like to see more detailed examples in your next draft.”

Clear expectations make it easier for people to meet them.

Small shifts in communication can lead to big behavior changes. By using positive language, asking more questions, reinforcing good behavior, and setting clear expectations, you can create a more effective and cooperative environment. The way we communicate influences how others respond—when we adjust our approach, we often get better results.