Marriage is hard, and some argue it takes courage to fight to work through issues and stay together. Others say divorce is hard; it is a struggle to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and carry on. The reality is both are true. You and your spouse deserve to live happy, healthy lives, even if that means you must do so separately. The reasons people divorce range from abuse and neglect to simply “growing apart.” This latter reason is part of what it means to divorce for irreconcilable differences.

Grounds for Divorce in Utah

When you file for divorce in Utah, you must state to the court why you want the separation. There are ten legal grounds for divorce as established in Utah Code §30-3-1(3), listed as follows:

  • Impotency of the respondent (the non-filing spouse) at the time of marriage
  • Adultery committed by the respondent subsequent to marriage.
  • Willful desertion of the petitioner by the respondent for more than one year.
  • Willful neglect of the respondent to provide for the petitioner (the filing spouse) the common necessaries of life.
  • Habitual drunkenness of the respondent.
  • Conviction of the respondent for a felony.
  • Cruel treatment of the petitioner by the respondent to the extent of causing bodily injury or great mental distress to the petitioner.
  • Irreconcilable differences of the marriage.
  • Incurable insanity.
  • When the husband and wife have lived separately under a decree of separate maintenance of any state for three consecutive years without cohabitation.

Fault Divorce 

Eight of the grounds for divorce listed above are classified as fault divorce, including but not limited to adultery, cruelty, or abandonment by the non-filing spouse. Domestic abuse, whether physical or mental, falls under the category of cruel treatment and is legal grounds for divorce. If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence, please seek professional help at Utah Domestic Violence Coalition at 1-800-897-LINK (5465).

To claim a fault divorce, the filing spouse must present evidence the non-filing spouse is at fault for abuse, neglect, adultery, or that the spouse is convicted of a felony or incurably insane. For this reason, many filing spouses opt for a no-fault divorce, even if the grounds for a fault divorce exist.

No-fault Divorce

The two remaining grounds for divorce are classified as no-fault divorce, meaning blame is not assigned to either party. They include irreconcilable differences between you and your spouse, or you and your spouse have spent at least 36 months living physically apart. Of the two, divorce for irreconcilable differences may be the least understood.

What are Irreconcilable Differences?

Irreconcilable differences mean that there are issues in the marriage that make it difficult or impossible for the couple to reconcile. This, in turn, can spur other problems in the marriage. Regardless of the initial cause for the rift in their relationship, the current issues have grown too great for the marriage to be saved.

Part of the benefit of filing under irreconcilable differences is that you and your spouse do not need to mutually agree on why you are divorcing. For this reason, a spouse suffering from abuse, neglect, or any other form of mistreatment that would be considered “at fault” can file for divorce under irreconcilable differences if they wish to do so without assigning blame.

What makes a Difference Irreconcilable?

While there is no straightforward answer to define differences in a marriage as irreconcilable or unfixable because every person brings their own personality, opinions, and background to a relationship, there are some commonalities that may help you determine whether or not divorce is the best option for you and your spouse.

For instance, if you and your spouse have tried to resolve the issues on your own or by seeking help through couples therapy or marriage counseling, and the problems persist or worsen, you may not regain a healthy lifestyle together. Some of the most common areas that may lead to irreconcilable differences are:

Finances

With prices for food, gas, and housing increasing, more and more people are self-conscious about how and where their money is spent. Each spouse brings their own unique opinion on money management to the marriage; things such as who handles the finances, how expenses are handled, how to manage savings, how much debt can be accumulated and how quickly to pay it off, etc., can take a toll on a married couple because ideas on finances can vary greatly. Tension is more likely to arise when only one spouse has a consistent source of sustainable income. However, even if both spouses are working, the stress of a financial burden can drive a wedge in the marriage and lead to irreconcilable differences.

Parenting

If spouses have different or opposing views, it can be difficult to determine which aspects to incorporate into the marriage, if any. This may not seem like an issue early on, but these differences can change dramatically when children become part of the family. If both spouses become strict about adhering to their differing beliefs, it can confuse the children involved and make maintaining a healthy marriage extremely difficult.

Religion

If spouses have different or opposing religious views, it can be difficult to determine which religious aspects to incorporate into the marriage, if any. This may not seem like an issue early on, but when children become part of the family, these differences can change dramatically. If both spouses become strict about adhering to their differing beliefs, it can be confusing for the children involved and can make maintaining a healthy marriage extremely difficult.

Time Spent Outside the Home

While having hobbies to work on and hanging out with friends and extended family is important, these moments can take you away from your immediate family. When one spouse spends more time away from the home, it can put undue stress on the other, especially when children are involved. Similarly, in-laws who are difficult to work with can cause marital issues because it may mean you spend more or less time with one side of the family than might be preferred. These issues can mean the ending of the marriage if the division grows greater due to repeated and frequent disagreements.

Communication

Most of the differences previously mentioned could be avoided through healthy communication between the marriage partners. In fact, most stem from poor or even a complete lack of communication early on in the relationship, which only worsens with time and as more issues arise, making each issue difficult to resolve. When communication breaks down, arguments become more frequent, which may make one or both spouses feel isolated and want a divorce.

Understand Why Before You File

When filing for a divorce under irreconcilable differences, it is not required to state the exact causes for your differences to the court. However, it can be beneficial for you to know what the causes are. Not only will it allow you to file with confidence, but it can also lead to healing for both you and your spouse. Divorce hurts. It takes courage to admit the marriage is not working, but understanding why and seeking help from an experienced attorney can help you and your spouse work through it and work toward creating a happier, healthier life for each of you.