If you’re in a toxic marriage, the negative effects are probably leaching into every area of your life. This includes your spiritual life, emotional health, physical health, and relationships with others. But how can you safely leave the relationship and start a new beginning?

4 Tips for Safely Exiting a Bad Marriage

There’s nothing more chronically debilitating than a toxic marriage. And, unfortunately, far too many people stay in these relationships and let them ruin their lives.

“The biggest mistake I see is people staying in a toxic marriage for too long because they’re scared or intimidated by the divorce process,” attorney Rowdy G. Williams points out. “But I can promise you that it doesn’t have to be as complex and drawn out as you think it does.”

If you’re tired of being in a toxic marriage and want to find freedom, you need to do it safely. 

Here are some helpful suggestions for doing just that:

  1. Build a Strong Support Network

One of the most important things you can do when planning to leave a bad marriage is to build a strong support network. Leaving a toxic relationship is hard enough on its own, and trying to do it alone can make it even more overwhelming. But when you have trusted friends, family, and professionals on your side, it makes the process safer and more manageable.

Talk to friends or family members who have shown themselves to be supportive and reliable. Let them know what’s going on and that you’re considering leaving. They can provide emotional support, offer advice, and, in some cases, give you a safe place to stay if needed.

In addition to friends and family, it’s also important to involve professionals. For example, a therapist can help you process your emotions and build self-confidence for a strategic exit. 

  1. Consult with a Legal Advisor

Before making any major moves, make sure you understand your legal rights and options. If you’re planning to leave your marriage, consulting with a legal advisor – such as a divorce attorney – is a big step. They can help you understand the divorce process, your rights concerning property, finances, and custody, and any protective measures you may need.

Every state has its own set of laws regarding divorce, property division, and child custody, so it’s important to know how the law applies to your specific situation. A lawyer can also guide you through obtaining a restraining order if you’re dealing with a violent or abusive spouse.

  1. Secure Personal Documents

Another important step in leaving a bad marriage is securing your personal documents. In toxic or controlling relationships, it’s not uncommon for one partner to limit the other’s access to important papers. Before you leave, gather any essential documents you’ll need moving forward.

Some of the key documents to secure include:

  • Your birth certificate
  • Social Security card
  • Driver’s license or ID
  • Passport
  • Marriage certificate
  • Insurance documents (health, home, auto)
  • Tax returns
  • Bank statements and financial records
  • Credit card statements
  • Any legal documents related to your marriage, like prenuptial agreements or court orders

If possible, make copies of these documents and store them in a safe place, such as with a trusted friend or in a secure cloud storage account. Having these papers will make the legal process much smoother and prevent your spouse from using these documents as leverage to control you.

  1. Prioritize Financial Independence

Financial control is a common issue in toxic marriages, so you need to start building financial independence as soon as possible. Knowing that you have the resources to support yourself after the separation will give you the confidence to leave.

  • Open a separate bank account: If you don’t already have one, open a bank account in your name and begin saving money for your post-separation life. Make sure your spouse doesn’t have access to this account.
  • Create a budget: Start by reviewing your current income and expenses. Create a budget that reflects your new financial reality after separation, including rent, utilities, groceries, and legal fees. Having a clear understanding of your financial situation will help you avoid financial surprises later.
  • Seek financial advice: If managing your finances is unfamiliar or challenging, consider working with a financial advisor. They can help you plan for your future, including understanding how property division, alimony, and child support may affect your finances.

Having your own financial plan in place ensures that you’re prepared to live independently and manage your expenses once you leave the marriage.

Putting it All Together

Leaving a toxic marriage can feel daunting, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to live a life free from harm, control, and emotional abuse. Surround yourself with supportive people, and remind yourself that you deserve love and respect. The path to freedom can be challenging, but you deserve a fresh start!