You love your children fiercely. Nobody could question that. But getting through each day lately? It’s like trying to walk through chest-deep water. You’re tired in ways sleep can’t touch. Things that used to light you up (watching your kids discover something new, grabbing coffee with a friend, even that show you loved) don’t do anything for you now. You go through the motions. Everyone gets fed. Nobody dies. But you’re not actually present.
Maybe you’ve told yourself this is just motherhood. Everyone says it’s brutal, yeah? Only this feels like something else entirely. Like you’re drowning whilst everyone around you is doing the freestyle.
Here’s something you need to hear: living like this isn’t mandatory. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mum. It means you’re human and you’re brave enough to admit it.
The Invisible Weight Mums Carry
Society expects mothers to be superhuman. Endlessly patient. Always available. Naturally nurturing, no matter what. Keep the household humming. Manage everyone’s calendar and feelings. Show up to every school assembly. Cook meals that aren’t just edible but nutritious. Keep your relationship alive. Maybe work full-time too. And practice self-care! (Like you’ve got five spare minutes for that.)
Depression dumps another impossible layer on top of this already ridiculous pile. Now you’re trying to meet every demand whilst running on empty. Your patience evaporates. Things that normally wouldn’t bother you send you into a tailspin. You snap at your kid for spilling juice, then spend the rest of the day drowning in guilt.
The guilt is suffocating. You look at your kids and think “I should be thankful. What’s my problem?” You scroll Instagram seeing mums who apparently have it together, which just proves what you already suspected: you’re bombing at the one thing that’s supposed to be instinctive.
But depression is lying to you. Those feelings of emptiness, the irritability, the exhaustion that won’t quit? Not character defects. Symptoms. And they’re ridiculously common in mothers.
Why Mums Hesitate to Seek Help
Even when you know something’s seriously wrong, actually getting help feels impossible. The obstacles stack up fast.
First, the logistics. When are you supposed to squeeze counselling into your already insane schedule? Who watches the kids during your appointment? How do you justify the expense when money’s already tight? These aren’t imaginary problems. They’re real barriers.
Then there’s the emotional stuff, which might be even harder. Saying out loud “I’m struggling” feels like confessing you’re not good enough. What if people judge? What if your partner thinks you’re overreacting? What if admitting it somehow proves you can’t handle being a mother?
Some mums worry that talking about depression sounds like complaining about their blessings. You chose this life. You wanted these kids. How can you say it’s overwhelming?
Cultural baggage makes it worse. Depending on where you’re from, mental health struggles might be viewed as weakness or something you absolutely don’t discuss with outsiders. Opening up to a stranger about private struggles might feel deeply uncomfortable or shameful.
So you keep pushing forward. Telling yourself things will improve once the baby sleeps better, once they start preschool, once life calms down. Only it doesn’t improve. The weight just gets heavier.
What Depression Actually Steals from You
Depression doesn’t just make you sad. It fundamentally reshapes how you experience being a mother and living your life.
You might feel nothing when your toddler proudly shows you their artwork or your teen excitedly shares their news. You want that burst of joy and pride. But there’s just emptiness. That connection you used to have with your children feels muffled, like there’s a thick wall between you.
Physical stuff piles on. Relentless headaches. Stomach problems. Exhaustion that laughs at caffeine. Your body is screaming that something needs attention. According to Postpartum Support International, maternal depression affects up to 1 in 7 mothers, and symptoms can appear anytime during pregnancy or within the first year after childbirth.
Some mums describe it as watching their own life from outside their body. You’re physically there, doing everything that needs doing, but not really present. Just surviving until bedtime when you can finally stop pretending.
The really scary part? This becomes your new normal. You forget what genuine enjoyment feels like. Laughing freely. Getting excited about anything. Depression whispers that this is just who you are now.
How Counselling Creates Real Change
Seeking counselling for depression isn’t about someone lecturing you to be more grateful or positive. It’s about understanding what’s actually driving your depression and building concrete strategies to address it.
A good counsellor helps you untangle the messy web of factors feeding your struggle. Maybe you’re carrying old grief or trauma you never properly processed. Perhaps you absorbed toxic beliefs about needing perfection or never showing weakness. You might be grappling with the massive identity earthquake that happens when you become a mother, especially if you left a career that defined you.
Counselling tackles the specific pressures of modern motherhood too. The impossible standards nobody can actually meet. The isolation so many mums feel despite being surrounded by people 24/7. The grief that comes with losing your former self, even when you deeply love your children.
Something crucial: quality counselling doesn’t just focus on your mum role. It helps you reconnect with yourself as a whole person. You’re not just “mum.” You’re a human with your own needs, desires, struggles, and worth that exists completely separate from how well you’re performing motherhood.
Through this work, you learn to spot patterns and triggers. Which situations typically drag you down? What thought spirals pull you into darker territory? Once you can identify these, you gain actual control over your responses instead of feeling like a victim of your moods.
The Ripple Effect of Getting Help
When you prioritise your mental health, everyone wins. That’s not selfish. That’s strategic.
As you work through depression, changes show up in your relationship with your kids. You become genuinely present with them. More patient. Actually able to enjoy the small moments instead of white-knuckling through them. Your children get a healthier, more complete version of you.
Your relationship with your partner often transforms too. Depression creates this weird distance between partners even when you’re sharing a bed. As you heal, you rediscover capacity for connection and closeness that depression had stolen.
Maybe most important? You’re teaching your children something invaluable. You’re showing them struggling is normal, asking for help is strength (not weakness), and mental health matters. These lessons will shape how they handle their own struggles for decades.
Research from the Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance shows that treating maternal depression dramatically improves outcomes not just for mums but for whole families. Your wellbeing isn’t separate from your family’s wellbeing. It’s the foundation everything else builds on.
Taking the First Step
You don’t need to wait until you’ve completely fallen apart before you deserve help. You don’t need to be “struggling enough” to justify support. If you’re having a hard time, that’s reason enough. Full stop.
Start small if counselling feels overwhelming. Maybe that’s just picking up the phone or sending one email. You don’t have to commit to anything yet. You can ask questions, voice concerns about scheduling and cost, learn what counselling actually involves.
Lots of mums discover that taking that first step brings immediate relief. Just deciding to do something, to stop suffering silently, lifts part of the weight. You’re not passively hoping things magically get better anymore. You’re actively choosing yourself and your wellbeing.
Your kids need you. But they need the real you, not the depleted shell depression has left behind. Getting help isn’t taking something away from your family. It’s one of the most important things you can do for them.
You deserve to feel like yourself again. You deserve joy with your children, not just exhaustion and survival mode. You deserve support. Taking that step to get it? That’s not weakness. That’s pure courage.
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