Becoming parents changes your lives forever. While bringing a child into this world is a joy and a privilege, it’s also tough. You’ve got to deal with the initial recovery first, which can be a rough ride in itself. Then there are feeding schedules to maintain, resulting in potentially years of sleepless nights, and endless chores for many more. 

All of the above can change your relationship with your partner in ways you didn’t expect. Intimacy often takes a backseat as you focus on being parents rather than partners. However, both roles are important. Fortunately, that closeness doesn’t disappear forever, and you can rebuild it with a little care. 

Man and woman couple sitting at the end of a dock looking out over the water and mountains.

Why Intimacy Changes After Having a Baby

Giving birth takes a serious toll on your body. You need to heal, and this takes time. You may feel less confident about how you look. Hormones can leave you emotional. Add in that you’re running on very little, broken sleep, and it’s no surprise you’re not in the mood for romance. 

The changes aren’t just physical, either; most of your attention is on the baby. Conversations between you and your significant other go from discussing weekend plans to asking whose turn it is to change the diaper. The focus on parenting is natural and necessary, but it doesn’t leave much room for intimacy. 

Small Steps to Reconnect 

At this stage, you don’t need grand gestures. The key is small, daily actions. Communication is incredibly important. Even if it feels awkward, talk openly with your partner. You both need to know where you’re at. Physical touch also matters, but it doesn’t have to be sex. Even just holding hands, hugging in the kitchen, or a quick back rub can keep your connection alive. 

If the gap feels too wide to bridge on your own, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talking with a couples therapist can equip you with tools to communicate better, so that you can reconnect in a way that works for your unique situation. 

Prioritizing Time as a Couple

Time has always been a scarce commodity, but when you’re raising kids, it can feel like there’s not a spare minute in the day. That doesn’t change the fact that your relationship needs attention. That might mean you need to schedule time like you would a doctor’s appointment. However you manage it, set aside time for just you and your partner, even if it’s an hour a week without distractions. 

Ask family or friends for help with childcare if you can’t find or aren’t comfortable finding a babysitter. Even a short walk together can give you the breathing space you need. The point isn’t necessarily organizing a fancy date night, just being intentional about giving each other undivided attention. 

Endnote

There’s no doubt about it: parenthood changes your relationship. But that doesn’t mean it needs to erase all intimacy between you and your partner. Take small steps, make time for one another, and remember that love grows in many forms. This is how you rebuild and even improve upon your closeness. Ultimately, your partnership is the foundation of your family. When you nurture it, you not only strengthen your bond with each other. You also create a more loving and stable home for your child.