Let’s be real. Trying to figure out a mood ring that flips colors non-stop—raising a teenager is a bit like that. One moment, you’re staring at their closed door, wondering if you’ve got a future peace negotiator on your hands or maybe someone secretly training to be a mime. The next, you’re deep in a debate over whether cookie dough or mint chip wins the ice cream crown. What is actually happening in that cluttered teenage lair, because I doubt it is just regular teen stuff. Trust me, if that question has ever crossed your mind, you’re definitely not the only one.

Unhappy teen boy looking at his phone.

The Laundry Pile of Teen Life

Being a teenager feels like a rollercoaster ride filled with surprises—one day you’re dealing with sudden growth spurts and wild mood shifts, and the next, you’re hearing all about a “best friend” you’ve never even seen but who’s “the absolute best.” Oh, and don’t forget trying to solve the mystery of disappearing spoons in the house. A lot of this stuff seems normal enough. But every now and then, it feels like the changes show up all at once leaving you with a mountain of confusion.

Maybe your chatty kid has transformed into someone who speaks in grunts and eye rolls. Maybe those steady B’s have dropped so far that even bringing them up feels like stepping on a landmine. Or, like my friend shared earlier today perhaps your daughter responds to every single question with a sigh so over-the-top it’s award-worthy.

The Subtle Signs: They’re Not Always Obvious

This is where it gets tough. The signs of substance use don’t always jump out at you. One day your teen starts guarding their privacy like a treasure chest, or they’re hanging out with a new crowd that seems to have appeared overnight. Maybe their sleep patterns are so upside down they could moonlight as nocturnal creatures. Or, you go to grab some spare change and realize the jar’s been emptied. Again.

Then there are the more physical clues. You might catch a strange smell that doesn’t seem right. Their eyes might look foggy, or you notice they’re rocking long-sleeve shirts in the middle of a sweltering July. Unless you keep your house ice-cold, that’s a sign worth noticing.

Sometimes, you just know deep down. That voice inside whispers, “This feels off.” I won’t lie—I’ve ignored mine more often than I’d like to admit. And yeah, that didn’t always end well.
“No parent wants to imagine their child struggling, but trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s worth paying attention. You don’t have to have all the answers, and you definitely don’t have to face it alone.”

—Mark Zanone, Chief Strategy Officer & Co-Founder at Hand in Hand Recovery Center,

The Topic Everyone Tiptoes Around: Mental Health

We need to have a real talk about mental health. It’s the unseen thread tying a lot of this together. Teens deal with school stress, struggles with who they are, navigating friendships, scrolling through social media, and let’s not forget the constant stream of world problems. Grabbing onto substances isn’t always about acting out. Sometimes, it’s just an attempt to quiet everything swirling around in their head even if just for a moment.

I used to shrug off the term “teen angst” as pure exaggeration. But , after seeing what teens face today, it makes sense. What seems like bad attitude might be an unspoken cry for help.

The Teenage Brain: Fast-Paced, Curious, and Often Impulsive

Here’s something interesting. The teenage brain acts like a race car with jelly for brakes. Risk-taking and giving in to peer pressure are pretty normal at this stage. Some might try drinking or other substances once and move on. Others those already battling anxiety or sadness, may find themselves sliding into more serious problems.

Let’s be real. Substance use doesn’t care where you live how well you do in school, or how many times you’ve said, “Be responsible!” It can affect anyone, no matter who or where you are. If you ever find yourself needing extra support or guidance, there are recovery programs designed to help both teens and families navigate these challenges and find a path forward.

How to Talk Without Sounding Like a Detective

If you’re worried, start a conversation. Skip the serious “we need to talk” stuff that scares teens away. Just chat. Ask how their day went, what their friends are like, what’s stressing them out, or what’s making them smile. Tell your own stories too even the awkward ones.

When you talk about your concerns, avoid turning it into a big argument. Instead, say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending more time alone , and your grades aren’t as good. I’m worried. Is everything okay?” You might be surprised by how much teens open up when they don’t feel grilled.

What if they shrug you off? Join the crowd. Keep the door open anyway. Sometimes letting them know you’re there makes all the difference.

A Side Note: The Summer I Missed the Signs

Story time: One summer, I thought my son was acting “like a teenager.” In reality, he was dealing with anxiety and masking it with sarcasm and late-night video games. I didn’t notice the signs until his best friend’s mom reached out concerned about him. Sometimes, people close to the situation notice what we overlook. Missing a signal now and then happens—it’s what you choose to do afterward that counts.

When to Ask for Support

You should act if you see multiple warning signs like changes in behavior sudden shifts in mood, or unusual physical issues. Talk to a doctor, a counselor at school, or someone who can offer advice. You can even seek out personalized recovery plans. Acting early stops little problems from becoming bigger challenges.

Remember mental health and substance use often connect. Good care looks at the whole person instead of addressing what’s obvious.


Also, you can always look for guidance at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

The “They’re Always Watching” Paradox.

Confession time: I forget way too often that my kids are basically undercover surveillance agents. Even when they’re giving me the classic “you’re invisible” treatment, they’re clocking every move I make. It’s wild. I’ll be muttering about traffic, fumbling with the coffee maker, or just trying to decompress after a day that felt like an episode of Survivor—and there they are, soaking it all up like little emotional Roombas.

The way I handle stress? How I talk about that glass of wine at dinner? My patented “bad day bounce-back” routine (which, let’s be honest, sometimes just involves chocolate and reruns of old sitcoms)? It all leaves a mark, whether I want it to or not. Are kids always listening? Maybe not. But they’re always absorbing. And honestly, that’s both terrifying and kind of amazing.

The Messy, Hopeful Middle

Here we are, figuring it out like everyone else. No guidebook, no magic solution just hope and a bunch of late-night internet searches. When it comes to spotting early signs of substance use in teens, it’s not about being a perfect parent or becoming a detective. Instead, it’s about paying attention asking questions (even the ones your teen rolls their eyes at) listening to them, and showing love—even on the days they avoid your hugs like you’ve got the plague.

If you’re scrolling through this while reheating your coffee yet again and wondering if you’re doing enough—let me remind you: you are. Trust what feels right. Rely on your support system. Keep being there. Sometimes just showing up is the hardest and most courageous thing to do.