There’s a kind of work that us mums do that’s almost invisible to those around us. While no one asks about it, it still fills up the day and takes up so much of our mental and physical energy. Thinking ahead about snacks before anyone says they’re hungry, remembering the school trip form that needs printing, working out when the uniform needs to go in the wash. These things don’t look like much on their own but they build up, and they take energy. And because they’re quiet and constant, they often get missed- even by the people who benefit from them.
Why acknowledge the invisible load?
When that invisible load goes unacknowledged for too long, it can start to feel like nothing is ever properly done. The days pass, full of effort, but without a real sense of completion. It’s not dramatic or urgent, but it wears people down over time. It can lead to resentment, burnout, or just a dull sense of being stuck in a loop. Being aware of it doesn’t fix everything, but it helps. If nothing else, it gives some language to what’s happening, and that makes it easier to find ways to manage it.
Ways to share the load without needing a big conversation
Sometimes asking for help feels like another task in itself. It doesn’t always have to be a full conversation or a list of complaints. A few small changes can start to shift things. Leaving a visible to-do list on the fridge or a whiteboard in the kitchen means others can see what needs doing without being asked. Some people respond better to things they can see.
If a partner or older child asks how to help, try giving them full responsibility for one thing instead of asking for general help. School admin, packed lunches, bath time—something that they manage completely from start to finish. That way it doesn’t come back as another thing to supervise.
Building in real breaks for your brain
Physical tiredness is one thing, but mental tiredness from the constant background planning is harder to spot. It helps to create pockets in the day where nothing is expected. That might mean turning off notifications for half an hour in the afternoon, or sitting down with a drink without using that time to reply to messages or plan tomorrow’s dinner. These small pauses don’t solve everything, but they help calm the part of the brain that’s always switched on.
Do something mildly absorbing- not something productive, just something that doesn’t ask much. This could be anything from a slow walk with no destination, a puzzle or a series that doesn’t require emotional energy. Something like Candy Crush or a pool game on your phone would work well too. These things help the brain rest without going completely still.
Setting up systems
It doesn’t sound exciting, but a few small systems can make the invisible stuff less intense. A weekly meal plan can take away the daily decision-making. A box by the door for school bits means fewer last minute scrambles in the morning. A shared calendar on the fridge or a family app with reminders can keep everything in one place so it doesn’t all live in one person’s head. It doesn’t need to be colour coded or look Pinterest perfect, just something simple enough that it actually works. The point isn’t to get everything organised, it’s to stop having to remember everything all the time.
Reminding yourself it’s enough
Sometimes the biggest shift is in your own mind. The work being done might not look like much from the outside, but it’s what keeps things moving and what sets your family up for success. It might not come with a thank you or feel like a proper achievement, but it still matters. Taking five minutes to step outside or lie down isn’t lazy, it’s necessary. Giving up a task because it can’t all be done isn’t failing, it’s being realistic. No one can carry the invisible load all the time without feeling it. Noticing it in small ways can make everyday life feel more manageable again.
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