I Became a Family Caregiver and You Can Too It Happened So Gradually, I Almost Didn’t Notice 

At first, it was little things. My mom started forgetting to turn off the stove. She was misplacing her glasses more often. And then one day, she got lost driving to the grocery store she’d been going to for 20 years. 

That was the moment I realized: She needs help. And I was going to be the one to give it. 

I didn’t plan to become a caregiver. I was already juggling my kids’ school schedules, a part-time job, and the general chaos of being a mom. But when someone you love needs you—truly needs you—you figure it out. 

I became a family caregiver. And you can too. 

You’re Probably Already Doing It 

Let’s be honest: most of us start caregiving long before we call it that. 

If you’re helping your elderly parent with groceries, making doctor appointments, or checking in on them daily—you’re already caregiving. 

And if you’ve been thinking, “I’m just doing what any daughter or son would do,” you’re not giving yourself enough credit. 

Caregiving is physical, emotional, and often invisible labor. And more often than not, it falls on the shoulders of women—especially moms, who are already wired to care for everyone else. 

Caring for Your Parent While Raising Kids: The Sandwich Generation 

There’s even a name for it: The Sandwich Generation.

That’s what they call people (mostly women) who are raising children and caring for aging parents at the same time. 

It’s exhausting. It’s relentless. And it’s real. 

You might go from changing a diaper to sorting prescriptions in the same hour. From school pickup to a trip to the pharmacy. From helping with homework to helping with memory loss. 

And yet, somehow, we just do it. 

You Don’t Have to Know Everything (At First) 

I’ll be honest—I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning. 

I didn’t know what Medicare covered. I didn’t know the signs of early dementia. I didn’t know how emotionally complicated it would be to help the person who once raised me. 

But here’s what I learned: you don’t need to have all the answers on day one. You just need to be present. The rest? You can learn. 

There are books, support groups, podcasts, and yes—blog posts like this one—that can help you figure it out as you go. Just like motherhood, caregiving is a learn-on-your-feet kind of job. 

Signs Your Parent May Need a Caregiver 

Not sure if it’s time to step in? Here are some common red flags: 

● They’re forgetting to take medications or taking them incorrectly. 

● They’ve had a fall—or close call—and seem unsteady. 

● Their house is suddenly messier than usual. 

● Bills are going unpaid. 

● They’re missing appointments or seem confused about dates and times. ● They seem more withdrawn, anxious, or depressed. 

If you’re seeing more than one of these signs, it’s time to talk about a caregiving plan.

Starting the Conversation 

Talking to your parent about stepping in can be one of the hardest parts. You don’t want to insult them or make them feel like they’re losing their independence. 

Here are a few ways to approach it gently: 

● “I’ve noticed you’ve had a harder time lately. How can I help?” 

● “I’d love to come with you to your next doctor’s appointment so I can stay in the loop.” ● “Would it be okay if I helped with bills or grocery runs?” 

Start small. Give them the dignity of choice. But don’t wait until there’s a crisis. How to Set Up a Caregiving Routine 

Once you’re in it, caregiving becomes its own full-time job. Having a routine (as much as possible) can keep you and your parent sane. 

Here’s what worked for me: 

1. Make a Weekly Schedule 

● Include medication times, appointments, errands, and meals. 

● Share the calendar with siblings or other family members if they’re helping. 

2. Keep a Care Notebook 

● Jot down symptoms, behavior changes, medication changes, and questions for doctors. 

3. Set Boundaries 

● You are not available 24/7. Choose your caregiving hours and communicate them. 

4. Don’t Forget Self-Care 

● I know—this feels impossible. But even a walk around the block, a shower, or 10 minutes of silence matters.

When and How to Ask for Help 

You don’t need to be a martyr. 

Help can come in many forms: 

● Siblings or other family members: Even if they don’t live nearby, they can help with finances, paperwork, or emotional support. 

● Paid help: Home health aides, part-time nurses, or meal delivery services. 

● Support groups: Online or in person, connecting with other caregivers is a game-changer. 

● Local agencies: Your Area Agency on Aging is a great place to start. They can help with resources, respite care, and Medicaid info. 

Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re smart enough to know that this job is too big for one person. 

Getting Paid as a Family Caregiver 

Yes, this is possible. 

I didn’t know it was at first, but through a state Medicaid program, I was able to become a paid caregiver for my mom. 

Each state is different, but many offer Medicaid waiver programs that allow a loved one to hire a family member as their caregiver. 

You’ll often be asked to: 

● Complete a background check 

● Submit proof of caregiving activities (like timesheets) 

● Possibly complete some training 

Helpful resources: 

● Medicaid.gov 

● FreedomCare’s resource on How to Get Paid as a Family Caregiver

● Your state’s Department of Health or Aging 

The pay won’t make you rich—but it can be the difference between scraping by and breathing a little easier. 

The Emotional Rollercoaster Is Real 

No one really talks about how complicated it feels. 

Caring for your parent can bring up all kinds of emotions: 

● Guilt (Am I doing enough?) 

● Resentment (Why me?) 

● Grief (I miss the version of them that used to be independent) 

● Love (This is the most meaningful thing I’ve ever done) 

You may feel all of these in a single day. That’s normal. 

Give yourself permission to feel everything. And give yourself grace. 

You Are Not Alone 

The truth is, millions of moms are doing what you’re doing right now. 

We don’t get parades or bonuses or PTO. But we are the silent lifeline keeping our families afloat. 

You are not alone. You are not invisible. You are doing sacred work. 

Whether you’re just stepping into caregiving or you’ve been in it for years, I see you. And I promise—you can do this. 

Tips That Saved My Sanity 

Let me leave you with a few bite-sized lessons I wish I’d known earlier: 

● Put your own oxygen mask on first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

● Document everything. Meds, behaviors, appointments—write it down. ● Accept the new normal. Your relationship with your parent will change. That’s okay. ● Laugh when you can. Humor is a secret weapon in caregiving. 

● Let go of perfection. Showing up with love is always enough. 

Final Thoughts: You Were Made for This (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It) 

You’ve spent your life taking care of people. This is just another chapter. It won’t be easy. There will be days when you feel defeated, frustrated, and deeply tired. 

But there will also be moments of joy. Of connection. Of knowing you are doing the most important work in the world: caring for the people who once cared for you. 

So take a breath. Call a friend. Make a plan. You became a mother. 

You can become a caregiver too.