You grew up watching your parents support each other through thick and thin. Now, it’s time to get your parents the care they need to age in place gracefully while continuing to support each other.
But, what if the two of them have different care needs? When mom and dad have different senior living care needs, there are options to make sure both are getting the care they deserve. Here are some things to consider as you explore how you can support and prioritize both parents as they age.
Understand Their Different Care Needs
There are many different variables when determining what each parent wants and needs as they age. Ultimately, reaching a compromise needs to start by having a tough but realistic conversation about these variables with your parents.
Consider the following and make a list alongside your loved ones if possible. Involving them in their senior living care is critical to preserving their independence while also planning for their future.
Consider Their Medical Needs
By far the most important thing to consider is each parent’s current and potential future medical needs. Knowing how your parents’ medical needs might develop can be helpful. For instance, many memory issues might start small but grow more severe over time. Things that are vital to consider when planning for your parents’ care include:
- Chronic diseases
- Illnesses that require medication management
- Your parents’ prognosis
- Transportation to and from doctor’s offices
If one parent will require more intensive care than the other, then they may need to find a senior living center with dedicated medical and nursing staff. But, if one parent is still independent, they might prefer an independent or assisted living facility close by or even on the same campus as their sick spouse.
What are Your Parents’ Daily Living Needs?
Activities of Daily Living, or ADLs, are things like bathing, eating, cooking, cleaning, exercising, and moving around. Consider how your parents will do independently with their ADLs.
While one parent might be able to help the other, this will undoubtedly change as both age. If one parent needs help with ADLs, but no intensive medical care, an assisted living facility might be a great option for both parents.
Socialization
Socializing is one of the most important factors for aging parents. Whether it’s socializing with each other or with others in their community, consider what your parents want as they age.
If both parents like the idea of a community with planned events, senior living centers might be a good option. On the other hand, if they are more private, in-home care or independent living might suit them better.
Consider Senior Living Options for Parents with Different Care Needs
Once you determine what each parent needs, you can start exploring senior living options that cater to both their needs while maintaining closeness. It’s important to remember that it’s never a good idea to sacrifice needed care for the sake of being together. Even if you determine one parent needs extensive memory or medical care, fortunately, many of these facilities can still provide opportunities for couples to support each other.
Independent Living Communities
Often called 55+ or retirement communities, independent living communities are designed for active, healthy seniors who want to live independently but still socialize with others. These communities are an excellent way for parents to decompress, engage in self-care, and keep up with healthy routines. They are often located in HOA-run apartments or neighborhoods and have amenities like:
- Fitness centers
- Walking paths
- Parks
- Pools
- Gated entrances
Assisted Living Facilities
Assisted living facilities are designed for seniors who need help with daily activities but do not require extensive medical care. They offer assistance with ADLs and access to:
- Social activities
- Meals
- Transportation
- Nursing supervision
Home-Based Residential Care Facility for the Elderly (RCFE)
Home-based Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly (RCFEs) serve a smaller population and provide a higher level of care than larger assisted living facilities.
When seniors need a little more attention with their daily functions, they will come to a home-based RCFE to live with a handful of other people in contrast to a larger assisted living complex which might house from 30 to 200 residents.
Sometimes the reason could be a medical one, like perhaps the senior is exhibiting more symptoms of Alzheimer’s or dementia and needs additional memory care support.
Also, sometimes the senior isolates in their apartment in the larger assisted living facility, and the RCFE can be more engaging and interactive for them.
Memory Care Facilities
If your parent has a neurodegenerative disorder, such as dementia or Alzheimer’s, their memory issues might lead to injury, cause them to wander off, or be unable to care for themselves. Memory care facilities provide features like:
- Locked and alarmed doors
- Trained staff to handle memory-related illnesses and behaviors
- Activities to help with memory
- 24/7 supervision and medical care
Choosing a Living Arrangement For Both Parents
If your parents ultimately need different levels of care, they might still be able to live in the same community. However, certain factors like cost and one parent’s declining health might make this impossible. Fortunately, there are still ways you can compromise and keep your parents as close as possible. Here are some things to consider.
- Location: Even if your parents have different living arrangements, try to find facilities that are close to each other. This will make it easier for your parents to visit each other. Ideally, look for communities that have different levels of care within the same campus or community.
- Shared Activities: Some communities might have communal areas like parks, bingo nights, movie nights, or meals where all residents can participate. This would be a great opportunity for your parents to spend time together even if receiving care apart most of the day.
- Communication with Staff: Ensure that the staff at each facility is aware of your parents’ relationship and their desire to see each other regularly. They may be able to coordinate visits or arrange for transportation between the two facilities. If staff seem unwilling or unable to accommodate this, it might be a sign that the facilities are not a good fit for your parents.
- Budget: If money isn’t an issue, an in-home healthcare aide can be the best solution to help your parents stay together. This would also provide them with the individualized care they need while still being able to live in the comfort of their own home. Alternatively, if your parents can afford to both live in the same facility despite one parent not needing as much care, this could also be a good compromise.
Keep Safety and Care a Priority
Parents can be selfless, always putting their children’s or each other’s needs before their own. However, as they age, it’s important to prioritize their safety and care above anything else. It might be difficult to accommodate both of their needs as they age. As you navigate the options for your aging parents, it’s important to keep in mind that every family’s situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. But, with careful research, planning, and open communication with your parents, you can create a plan that allows them to enjoy their twilight years in safety, comfort, and most importantly – together.
About the Author: Mark Gladden is the Founder and CEO of Present Moments Senior Living, a cozy and comfortable family-run Residential Care Facility for the Elderly (RCFE) in San Diego. Mark is also a U.S. Veteran who has been serving the recovery community of San Diego for a decade. As Founder and CEO of Present Moments Senior Living, he has helped families access high-quality care for their aging loved ones. If you or an aging loved one are looking for compassionate assisted living in San Diego, call Present Moments Senior Living at (442) 232-2824 or visit their website at https://presentmomentsseniorliving.com/.
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