Child custody mediation is a critical step in resolving disputes related to the care and custody of children during a divorce or separation. It’s a process that allows parents to come to an agreement outside of court, which can save time, reduce stress, and maintain a more amicable relationship between the parties involved. However, it’s essential to approach mediation with the right mindset and strategies to ensure the best possible outcome for both the parents and the children. Here are the things you should never do during child custody mediation.

1. Never Go Unprepared

Preparation is key to successful mediation. Walking into a mediation session without understanding the issues at hand, knowing your child’s needs, or having a clear idea of what you want can severely undermine your position. Take the time to gather all necessary documentation, understand your rights, and think about your goals. Consider consulting with a family law attorney to help you prepare your case and understand the legal implications of the agreements you are seeking.

2. Never Disparage the Other Parent

Negative comments about the other parent can create a hostile environment and derail the mediation process. The goal of mediation is to find a mutually agreeable solution, not to escalate conflicts. Focus on discussing your concerns and needs without attacking the character or actions of the other parent. Remember, the mediator is not there to judge but to facilitate a fair agreement. Keeping conversations respectful and constructive is crucial.

3. Never Put Your Interests Above Your Child’s

The primary focus of child custody mediation should always be the best interests of the child. Avoid making demands that serve your convenience or desires at the expense of your child’s well-being. Be willing to compromise and consider the needs, routines, and emotional health of your child. This might involve making sacrifices or adjustments to your schedule to ensure that the child’s needs are met.

4. Never Hide Information

Transparency is crucial in mediation. Withholding information about your financial situation, living conditions, or anything else relevant to the custody arrangement can backfire. If the other parent or the mediator discovers that you have been dishonest, it can damage your credibility and potentially harm your case. Be honest and forthcoming with all information that could impact the mediation process.

5. Never Ignore the Mediator’s Guidance

Mediators are trained professionals who understand the dynamics of child custody disputes. They can offer valuable insights and suggest solutions that you might not have considered. Ignoring their advice or trying to control the process can be counterproductive. Be open to their suggestions and willing to explore different options that could lead to a successful resolution.

6. Never Let Emotions Take Over

Child custody mediation can be emotionally charged, but it’s important to remain as calm and rational as possible. Letting anger, frustration, or sadness dictate your actions can lead to poor decision-making and conflicts. Take deep breaths, stay focused on your goals, and try to keep emotions in check. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for a short break to regain composure.

7. Never Rush the Process

Patience is essential in mediation. Rushing through discussions just to get it over with can lead to agreements that are not well thought out or that you may regret later. Take the time needed to thoroughly discuss all issues and ensure that both parties fully understand and agree to the terms. Remember, a well-negotiated agreement is better than a quick one.

8. Never Dismiss the Other Parent’s Concerns

Even if you strongly disagree with the other parent’s perspective, dismissing their concerns outright can create a combative atmosphere. Listen to their points, acknowledge their feelings, and try to find common ground. This approach can help build a cooperative environment and lead to more effective and lasting agreements.

9. Never Forget to Consider Future Changes

Life circumstances can change, and it’s important to account for this in your mediation agreement. Discuss potential future scenarios, such as changes in employment, relocation, or changes in the child’s needs as they grow older. Building flexibility into your agreement can help prevent future disputes and make it easier to adapt to changes as they arise.

10. Never Violate the Agreement

Once a custody agreement is reached, it is crucial to adhere to the terms. Violating the agreement can lead to legal consequences and damage your credibility in future legal proceedings. If circumstances change and you need to modify the agreement, do so through the proper legal channels rather than unilaterally deciding to ignore the terms.


Child custody mediation is a valuable opportunity to resolve disputes amicably and create a custody arrangement that serves the best interests of the child. By avoiding these common pitfalls, you can increase the likelihood of a successful mediation process. Always approach mediation with preparation, honesty, respect, and a focus on the well-being of your child. With the right mindset and strategies, you can navigate the challenges of mediation and reach a fair and workable custody agreement.

For more information on what to avoid saying during child custody mediation, you can read this detailed article by Duncan Family Law.