Children reach young adulthood and they suddenly start blaming you for everything that’s going on in their lives. They come up with harsh criticism, blame you for broken promises and even point an accusing finger if you overstep and trample their boundaries. Dealing with a disrespectful adult child can still be very challenging, you may feel humiliated, confused and even heart broken. These are some of the obstacles you may come across being a parent and as person.
Before you get to look at the solutions, you should first identify if your grown children are actually ignoring you. This may be as a result of simple misunderstanding, hectic schedule in school and in their day to day life. These are some of the things you need to know about grown children who ignore their parents. Some of the reasons that make the children become disrespectful include the following;
Substance and drug use
When your adult child has an alcohol or substance use disorder, your relationship can be rocky. Substance use can lead to emotional flares, increased blame game and impaired communication.
History of abuse
Your grown up child may be cold towards them because of a previous abuse that was made to him or her in their life. This may in turn be a leading factor toward making your kid become disrespectful.
Influence from others
It can also be as a result of the other spouse trying to push you away from the child’s life. A child who has experienced any of these scenarios are likely to see the other parent as unloving and uncaring thus they become disrespectful.
Therefore to deal with such a disrespectful child, you need to do the following:
Consider adjusting your parenting style
Best way to do this is to adopt a more child focused parenting. Research has shown that you can adopt permissive and authoritative styles during this stage of the grown up child. It is more advisable to give guidance and advice rather than issuing rules or even trying to control them. As a parent you should consider how you deliver guidance to the child as it may impact on your relationship with them.
Learn to set boundaries
As a parent you should be able to differentiate between how your child express anger and grievances and allowing your child to abuse you verbally or emotionally. Therefore you should set limits and request for more respectful conversations.
Always seek to understand your grown up child
It is imperative to know what is happening in your child’s life. Choose the best time to have a conversation with them. Explain how you feel when they disrespect you.
Repair the relationship
Sometime the strife and tension in a relationship with grown up child may be as result of your actions toward the children. As a parent you should be in a position to take the responsibility in order to restore closeness and heal the hurt that you may have caused to your grown up child.
I’m always interested in anything parenting-related and try to soak up as much info as I can. Partly because I think prevention is better than cure. And partly because I constantly need a good reminder. Thanks for your thoughts on this topic. It’s not easy receiving harsh or disrespectful words from a child. And it’s easy, as parents to point the finger at them before trying to understand where it’s coming from or even what part we might have to play in it.